Nearly 40, homeowner turns down dream property to avoid 20 years of full-time work

A poster approaching 40 decided against buying a long-desired property in a small town they love after realizing the deal would lock them into their first mortgage and about 20 years of full-time work.

While "heartbroken," they told the r/simpleliving subreddit the move solidified a commitment to what they value most.

Here's what to know

Writing in a Reddit post, the original poster said a property they had wanted for years became available. They said they likely could have stretched to afford it, but only by taking on a mortgage and continuing full-time work for the next two decades.

Instead, they said they already have a much smaller property and expect to begin building "a small, simple home" there without borrowing money.

Explaining the choice, the original poster wrote, "I have always valued time and peace above all else and have given up a lot to ensure I have those two luxuries," and later added, "This is a huge turning point for me and what I expect to acquire or achieve with my life."

Many commenters framed the decision as a choice between more space and more autonomy. "You basically bought yourself twenty years of your own life back, that's a hell of a trade," one wrote.

Another reacted: "It sounds like you're intentionally crafting the life you love."

More background

The poster made it clear the decision wasn't painless, writing, "Part of me is heartbroken to let this opportunity pass by," and adding that they hadn't realized "how much of my brain was taken up by those thoughts" until they let them go.

That struck a chord with others. One commenter said they bought their own dream home and now "struggle with the guilt, resentment and frustration that came with it." The same person said choices like this ultimately revolve around "our only non-renewable resource: time."

Another commenter said 20 weeks in a tiny camper led to an unexpected takeaway: "I don't actually need more space I need less stuff!" 

Similar replies said the appeal of a bigger or more refined home can fade when it also brings a "huge mortgage again," less free time, and the feeling of being bound to years of required work.

What can be done?

For the original poster, the answer is to keep the smaller property they already have and build modestly, rather than commit to a purchase that depends on decades of future earnings. In their case, the alternative wasn't abandoning the goal of housing, but choosing an option that matched the values they described.

Other commenters shared practical versions of the same calculation. One said they are remaining in a "starter" home because paying it off would leave them "free to travel, to support our child through education and help her have her own home." Another said their current mortgage gives them a path to part-time work after "3 to 5 year's worth of savings."

As one commenter summed it up: "good for you for doing the math on your actual life instead of the fantasy one."

The original poster said they are "finding a lot of peace in letting them go for good," and one commenter offered the reframe: "you turned down your dream property in favour of your dream life."

Where can I learn more?

For others making the same calculation, many make the unconventional decision to pass up on more space.

• In Denmark, a 36-year-old quit a steady job to live cheaply in an off-grid cabin.

• A Gen Zer built a 300-square-foot tiny home on her parents' land for $45,000.

• After buying a new house, one homeowner found downsizing brought unexpected challenges to daily life.

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